Is it forever...

If a friend or yourself has/is living through a personal transformation, which may or may not change life forever, there is still the drowning question of whether or not this change will define you or help you to grow right?

We don’t need a specific instance to help explain the way you feel when the moment arises…you’re alone and wondering how you are going to tell someone something, or rather, not tell someone something. Or maybe you’re just struggling with yourself and how you’re going to tell your mind that your heart’s decision messed up this time - or vice versa.


The results came back: It’s announced that YOU are the new guest on the list with the - Possibly Defining Intruder to your body.

The results came back: You’re pregnant…now what? Which pill will you swallow?

The results came back: It appears that this job will not work for you…how will you pay your bills? Who will hire you next? What will you learn from this loss and what will you seek from your new employer?

The results came back: It appears that you just can’t seem to stay out of trouble…

Nonetheless, it’s scary.

What would you give for the answer to your problem? Would you pay a psychiatrist?

So where’s this going? Confused yet? The point of this rant is to say there is no answer that can change what you’re feeling during the time of transition.

Figuring out the answer is the first part of the problem but it will never take away the dark moments we encounter alone - when you’re all alone…and no one can help you. Even if someone offered to help it certainly wouldn’t do much. (Most times.)

I want to know…how do YOU feel when you’re alone in this moment? How do YOU deal with it? How do YOU deal with it without losing your mind? What do you do the day after? I’m tired of hearing things like “Rise to the occasion!” And don’t feel bad if that’s something you say often…who cares anymore if we will rise to the occasion…we all understand how to, and some of us can even “Rise to the occasion” quite often, but that still doesn’t expose the darker side to any of it…the real human emotion behind living with our decisions/actions/realities…no one else can feel them.

So riddle me this…Is it forever? Are these feelings forever suppressed? Will the dark emotions that drag me down when I’m alone at night, confronting my decisions last forever? Even after I have made the transition and am now living with it in the present? Will it continue to haunt me? And if not, again I ask - genuinely, how do you deal with it without losing your mind?

Thanks for reading. If it made sense ;)

Ain’t Noooooo Sunshine In Thiiissss Blooogggg….

enter.resting.

the loneliness that consumes us...

i was at my grandmas yesterday, who returned home from a months stay in and out of the ER and Rehab. she has lived on her own for the last few years since my grandpa died, and has always been at peace about it...but not today. my mothers sister has been staying with her for the last few days but must now return home and in one week she will have the company of her other daughter. yesterday was her first night alone in over a month. you could see the sadness pouring from my grandmas eyes, an almost anxious feeling - hesitating to tell the truth of her sorrow.

jumping straight to the point, what is it about us that makes us fight back the urge to scream "I'M LONELY!!!"

how many of you sit in your house alone, thinking about your loneliness? hiding it by keeping yourself busy with house chores, work, or playing on the internet...i recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine and we had the best laugh as we admitted each of our facebook adventures or rather -obsession? addiction? we practically finished each others sentences with things like, "yes, i refresh the page like every four minutes!" and "flipping back and forth from my page to the status home page! just to see if maybe, just maybe something changed!" laughing - laughing - laughing! we continued on with more embarrassing facts about the extreme measures we take just to reach out to someone, anyone!! HELP!!! I'M LONELY!!!!

i know you are reading this thinking i am crazy right? admit it. I did. I know you are in your pj’s cracked out on facebook, don’t lie! We can’t all be so different when it comes to the basic needs of being human. we are, after all, ALL human.

let's also keep in mind that just because i, we, you, her and him are on facebook constantly, seeking any type of midnight human interaction, does not mean that we are not living our lives. everyone works, we all are working on our dreams, and we all have a ridiculous amount of obligations! But, lets take a moment to shout it out, seek out and take the extra step to reach out to someone who really may be more lonely than you and say HELLO! How many studies have proven that just being friendly in general could save someone's life?

call your grandma, mom, dad, friend, sister, acquaintance, lover, anyone and have a conversation. or even an email nowadays!

enter.resting.