4th Day of House sitting...

Many of you know that I have started a month long journey of house sitting. The people I am sitting for also have two small dogs, hence the house sitting. My kids are here too - obviously. My normal life consists of living with my mother(moved in last year) and my younger brother who has friends in/out of our house all day! The point here is that I thought that this would be a nice time for me to see how it feels to live alone again. Don't you dare say this in front of the kids though because they say with sad faces - but you're not alone mommy. We are here too. It's different. Can't explain that to them - this alone feeling. Well...I have decided after day 4 that I don't like living alone. Although the kids are around and we have tons of space to do whatever we want - there is this adult presence that is missing - and I miss that - from living with my mother/brother. Around 7pm is when you realize you're alone again. The house is quiet. Dinner is done and the kids are ready to prepare for their decent to sleep land. And then, there you are. Alone. I'm not saying I am missing the presence of a man or my mother but something is...not here. I'm sure - in fact, I know I can do this. Living alone. But what I wanna be clear about now is that - I just don't like it. I like having chaos around. I like to hear the streets with people making noise over near Colfax and my brother and his music - djing alllllllllll day and night.

Friends coming and going. The kids running in and out of the house and my mother yelling at them to STOP SLAMMING THE DOOR!!!! I even miss my mom yelling at me about cleaning up our shit!

I like family and I like when they live together. I even have a good friend as my neighbor - and that makes my home feel even bigger. Friends and family right at my hands reach. Let's be clear here though - I am not referring to not liking independency. That I can do - I know this. But, I have decided I don't want too. Hmmmm...now what? Time to make Sunday morning breakfast for the kids and I and it doesn't feel the same. Cooking for three only. Cheers to family and friends being close. Some don't have that opportunity. I am grateful.

enter.resting.

The News...inspired by Mayer Hawthorne.

So how many times do you need to see someone before you finally see your exit? How many times do you need to test the feeling you are having inside? When have you finally had a enough?

Well...I think me and many of my friends answer is...you just can't put a time limit on said decisions. It happens naturally. I can say today that it has "happened". I had to Blow someone One Last Kiss(thank you Pink for always making the right song always when it is needed). There's a bit of heartache but only because it's someone you once knew a certain way and now - it's not enough. After this experience I can finally say goodbye to the old me. It was sort of a release of all one's past loves that had no potential of fitting within your life's requirements. That is...my friends what we ultimately look for when we are out there scouting for our life lovers. After you have grown up and have experienced enough shit in your life to finally see the real you. AND who exactly is going to allow you to be yourself and live the way you intend while remaining happy.

Once we have screamed through our chest for the final time - THIS IS WHO I AM AND I LOVE IT!!!! We begin to create the new Us - maybe this starts to occur most around 30? I don't wanna put a specific on that because I am not aware of actual research and some are late...late...bloomers. Anyways, dating becomes new - or the relationship in which you are already living in starts to bloom into this new - grown you's. It becomes easier to make instant decisions about someone or something - that's if you stay true to yourself(it's hard and we are challenged daily). I remember a year ago - I was on a date with someone and I suddenly felt "It" - THIS was not gonna work. I spoke instantly and said you know what? I think I'm gonna go home. I wish you the best. ...and WOW!!! This feeling rushing over me was intense! I was honest, real, and true to myself and it FELT AMAZING!!! Now I didn't say that there wasn't gonna be some lonely nights because that would be a lie. BUT, the feeling of being perfectly content with who you are starts to become your new best friend and the fear of not having someone(as in, just ANYONE, to do just deal with) slowly slips away. With this - the new you starts to shine and finding the great one(cause there is no right) is like Mario Brothers Nintendo - collecting mushrooms and jumping blocks makes tapping the ? marks all the more fun!!! Anyway...back to the real point of this - letting go of something I knew I should was a great feeling. It was the last of the ? marks in my old life and WHEW do I feel great!

Let him/her go.

You will feel better. The Great One will arise!!! And most of all...Love Yourself. THAT is the true answer to any question.

beSelfish. enter.resting.