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Too young...

I don't talk about my kids enough on Facebook but that's mostly because they are so much apart of my everyday hustle I just assume that you all know that I am a Mommy first and friend, lover and worker second. I love these little girls and from this photo they have grown way to fast already - 9 and 7 years old today and I can't thank myself enough for bringing them into this world. I also can't thank my mother enough either for all the love she gives to us and how much she has helped me through this mothering role. Their dad, although we may not be together, is a wonderful father also. Tragedy brings remembrance. Sad as that may be...I try my hardest to remember them everyday - whether they are with me or with their father - to love them, to kiss them, to teach them, school them, feed them, dress them, warm them, and be with just THEM. "THEM" So many of "THEM" are hurt everyday - we know this. So many are forgotten. So many are never "NEWS WORTHY". SO MANY. So this...this photo is for THEM. I will never forget you. And for those who know me - know that I have an extreme sensitivity to children - when they walk in the room my heart is immediately drawn to THEM. I love THEM. THEM - becomes us. And us...is the THEM that needs to find a better way to protect THEM. ♥ to you all. Tears for THEM...tears for the parents...tears for this Earth. ♥

THE WINDOW

Once there was a girl and a boy. the little girl slept by the window. in her room. one night the little Boy heard his sister screaming help and he went into her room and there was a Black creature biting her and she said call the police before it comes Again and the creature Said don't call the police before it comes Again and the creature said don't call the police or I will hurt you too and you don't want that and the boy went back to bed and heard her sister and their mom Screaming and he looked in their rooms and they weren't there. he wondered all the days if he would get bit and that night when he was in bed he saw the creature and screamed to see if his sister would hear but he forgot his sister and mom died but it was to late he was bit over and over and he died and when he died and old lady lived there and when she saw the creature she called the police and they said they would be right over but the creature said you did not want to do that because you will get really hurt and you will regret it so when she was bit they arived and saw her screamin and when they turned around and back around they saw her dead body on the groud and the monster disappeared and the Police Never went to save anyone cause they were scared and every one always got bit. But one day another person Moved in and every one who didn't die they warned her over and over and over she said there's nothing to worry About But that night she yelled out her window and said I Believe you but every one was asleep so she was bit and died. The End Ummm...from the thoughts of my 2nd grader...a little dark I'd say? Well - Kudos for mostly spelling everything right! HA!

Everything...means something.

His name is Hillbilly. He laughs...pauses...and laughs again while he points to his belt buckle...

"I got this when I was 21 and a half. Got this when I got my first bike. This vest I'm wearing also has some cool shit." He takes it off and buttons it back up and lays it on his lap. The story begins about a lifestyle I never knew anything about. Biker.

Hillbilly starts explaining first the patches - describing each experience of each ride that each patch represented. I never knew that. Each patch is from one of the rides, the history, the family he's gained along the way. The buttons are called "Days/Daze"(?) - they're given to you by someone - some meaning that they might have wanted you to remember. The pins - most of them silver are from shows - Sturgis and such...that is in fact where he acquired his vest...stolen from the 50th Annual event. Some store clerk was a jerk to him - so he turned around and left, with the vest on! He turned the vest to the back and said - "You wanna know what you do...?" Sure... "You sow this patch here on the back or wherever really and leave the top unsewn - get some cellophane because back in my day we didn't have these little baggies - put hundred doller bills in them - light the top and seal it and throw it in the patch and sew it up!" GTFOOH!!!! (Getthefuckoutofhere)

What a logical thing to do. Ha. He continues on with Biker stories that are only seen in the movies. Rides about guys from England and patches that clearly stirred up some deep emotional memories. He didn't talk about them more than the simple mention while describing the ones's that made him whale out with laughter. "GOD BLESS THAT LORI!" - "She was a wicked lady!" This...is my house sittings neighbor. They really do call him Hillbilly and he fits every description you might imagine for the "Hillbilly Biker"... He came over tonight to check on me - play with the dogs and told me stories about a life I knew little about. That was a real cool time. It made me think about what happen to us doing things to actually remember moments? Collecting pictures has even lost its importance in our world today. My mother always complains how no one ever sends her actual photos.

This was also a reassurance for me... When I went camping I did something I thought was totally dorky but necessary for the event. I made "Camp Bracelets" - it was cool. I thought it was going to be small but everyone was ECSTATIC!!! They loved them and now we can all walk around town with this badge of honor - for we were the first of many CUTTHROAT BAY CAMPERS.

End note: DO something to remember EACH moment. You're not a pack rat - just collecting memories to HELP you remember when you are old - or perhaps to drunk to remember, ha. enter.resting. #CUTTHROATBAY For LIFE!!! #BIKERS

4th Day of House sitting...

Many of you know that I have started a month long journey of house sitting. The people I am sitting for also have two small dogs, hence the house sitting. My kids are here too - obviously. My normal life consists of living with my mother(moved in last year) and my younger brother who has friends in/out of our house all day! The point here is that I thought that this would be a nice time for me to see how it feels to live alone again. Don't you dare say this in front of the kids though because they say with sad faces - but you're not alone mommy. We are here too. It's different. Can't explain that to them - this alone feeling. Well...I have decided after day 4 that I don't like living alone. Although the kids are around and we have tons of space to do whatever we want - there is this adult presence that is missing - and I miss that - from living with my mother/brother. Around 7pm is when you realize you're alone again. The house is quiet. Dinner is done and the kids are ready to prepare for their decent to sleep land. And then, there you are. Alone. I'm not saying I am missing the presence of a man or my mother but something is...not here. I'm sure - in fact, I know I can do this. Living alone. But what I wanna be clear about now is that - I just don't like it. I like having chaos around. I like to hear the streets with people making noise over near Colfax and my brother and his music - djing alllllllllll day and night.

Friends coming and going. The kids running in and out of the house and my mother yelling at them to STOP SLAMMING THE DOOR!!!! I even miss my mom yelling at me about cleaning up our shit!

I like family and I like when they live together. I even have a good friend as my neighbor - and that makes my home feel even bigger. Friends and family right at my hands reach. Let's be clear here though - I am not referring to not liking independency. That I can do - I know this. But, I have decided I don't want too. Hmmmm...now what? Time to make Sunday morning breakfast for the kids and I and it doesn't feel the same. Cooking for three only. Cheers to family and friends being close. Some don't have that opportunity. I am grateful.

enter.resting.

The News...inspired by Mayer Hawthorne.

So how many times do you need to see someone before you finally see your exit? How many times do you need to test the feeling you are having inside? When have you finally had a enough?

Well...I think me and many of my friends answer is...you just can't put a time limit on said decisions. It happens naturally. I can say today that it has "happened". I had to Blow someone One Last Kiss(thank you Pink for always making the right song always when it is needed). There's a bit of heartache but only because it's someone you once knew a certain way and now - it's not enough. After this experience I can finally say goodbye to the old me. It was sort of a release of all one's past loves that had no potential of fitting within your life's requirements. That is...my friends what we ultimately look for when we are out there scouting for our life lovers. After you have grown up and have experienced enough shit in your life to finally see the real you. AND who exactly is going to allow you to be yourself and live the way you intend while remaining happy.

Once we have screamed through our chest for the final time - THIS IS WHO I AM AND I LOVE IT!!!! We begin to create the new Us - maybe this starts to occur most around 30? I don't wanna put a specific on that because I am not aware of actual research and some are late...late...bloomers. Anyways, dating becomes new - or the relationship in which you are already living in starts to bloom into this new - grown you's. It becomes easier to make instant decisions about someone or something - that's if you stay true to yourself(it's hard and we are challenged daily). I remember a year ago - I was on a date with someone and I suddenly felt "It" - THIS was not gonna work. I spoke instantly and said you know what? I think I'm gonna go home. I wish you the best. ...and WOW!!! This feeling rushing over me was intense! I was honest, real, and true to myself and it FELT AMAZING!!! Now I didn't say that there wasn't gonna be some lonely nights because that would be a lie. BUT, the feeling of being perfectly content with who you are starts to become your new best friend and the fear of not having someone(as in, just ANYONE, to do just deal with) slowly slips away. With this - the new you starts to shine and finding the great one(cause there is no right) is like Mario Brothers Nintendo - collecting mushrooms and jumping blocks makes tapping the ? marks all the more fun!!! Anyway...back to the real point of this - letting go of something I knew I should was a great feeling. It was the last of the ? marks in my old life and WHEW do I feel great!

Let him/her go.

You will feel better. The Great One will arise!!! And most of all...Love Yourself. THAT is the true answer to any question.

beSelfish. enter.resting.

EFF the BUDDY - it's time for a friend...

No matter what you're doing...studying, working, making a career for yourself, running, hanging with friends or whatever other productive THING you might do - the thought of a man is ALWAYS in the back of your mind. Today - I was driving and thought - Fellas, the game has changed for you. This isn't something new to talk about but it's my turn now darn it. In these times - the present day...women have obviously become more independent in their needs but just how far will it go? How much more will we take on and/or start doing for ourselves?? I see a lot of Facebook postings about sayings that men think toward women and most always I

them. Not because it seems obvious that a male would think such an opinion but rather because I think they are just as appropriate for what me and my lady friends are thinking. Such as this one from yesterday....

First off - come over? Nowadays...I don't even want you in MY house. And in reverse I don't wanna drive to your house JUST to have sex. I mean, sometimes that's alright but more and more I am becoming too lazy for even that. Or it turns into the idea of why would I wanna drive ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way over to your house just to get our boogie on and then leave WHEN I could instead - hang out with my girl friends, go to dinner, or a movie, chill and then MAYBE just maybe I'll wanna end my night at your place BUT most likely what happens now is I'd rather go home with me, myself and I. That's not a stuck up approach it's more of a ME approach. What do I want? Because doing what I want is more pleasing. Duh.

I believe women today act more like men (according to stereo types) - or are we finally understanding what you fellas have been up to all these years? Really it's just being selfish with our time and who you choose to spend it with - "saving the drama for your mama" - perhaps? But more so it simply isn't enough for me/us anymore and I don't need you like that. Driving all the way over to a man's house who isn't your boyfriend - spending about an hour or so with him and then you're gone?!

Hmmmmm, that scenario is starting to seem wasteful and boring in regards to my time. Maybe that's just me and my girls growing up?? Tell me. Because I think I'll choose the guy who actually wants to have a conversation outside of the bed and then maybe even go outside and play for a while - do something active!!! That seems more fun to me. And, it is becoming easier and easier with each day to turn men away. Some men think just because they have a good time in bed to offer that THAT should be enough for you to wanna come over and play? NAWWWWWW - I'll take the other options for $500 Alec!!!!

NOW, let me clarify some things about this whole topic I'm wasting time talking about at this coffee shop before I go to work...I am not expecting anyone to say the obvious like - well you know if you want a man to love you then you shouldn't just go over and give him booty anyway or well, duh...obviously it's more fun to hang out with a guy and go on dates and then maybe go further with him. I know all this and if I was pursuing a boyfriend right now I would take a more proper approach at dating and do such. This is about grown folks business. Simply saying that the traditional EffBuddies is outdated - I'll take an EffBuddy that wants to go to the park - kick a ball and then go home and play. But wasting my time anymore with someone who doesn't even wanna be your friend at the least? No thanks.

Now men...don't get all butt hurt - but seriously it's time for you to step your game up (I'm not excusing women either in the stepping your game up, I'll blog about that later...) OR you'll be the one at home crying - not us anymore. I mean, show a little bit of human...hang with us or get left by us. That's just how we roll now... enter.resting.

Today is Honesty Day....April 30, 2012

Uh oh...

Time to be honest!!! I swear to tell the whole truth and NOTHING but the truth!!! If you have something you wanna know about me - or seek an HONEST opinion on, I will gladly answer all your inquiries...today only!! No lying!!! Email me - enter.resting.blog@gmail.com

enter.resting.

What a man, what a man, what a man - WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN!!!

Secret Lovers.

...oh dear Secret Lover - if I could tell you all the lovely words I wished for us I would finally sleep soundly at night. If only you wouldn't dismiss my feelings perhaps we could have a real chance, right? Who knows really. That's the beauty and downfall of having a Secret Lover. You never will know if you were meant to be together because in the eyes of your(s) secret together - the idea of that seems unattainable. Loving each other the way you do in secret... The realness of this situation is that even though I may have one particular lover that I feel this way about - it does not however dismiss the idea of finding someone else. It also does not stop me from dating other men and/or having perhaps other Secret Lovers. I am defining Secret Lovers in many ways- 1. Someone you do not share with the rest of the world, maybe just your close circle of friends and family who all know mums the word when they see said person. 2. Someone you may be in love with secretly - who may have no idea. 3. Someone who you want BUT may be with someone else or vice versa - which then I might ask - why are you staying together with someone you are not fully loving. (That's a discussion for another day.) The best part about THIS is that no matter who you are - you will not know who I am referring to unless you are in fact the Secret Lover and can pull out from the information that it is in fact YOU or if you are within my close circle of friends and know that I have obsessively talked about said person. Secrets - fun aren't they? This is for all of us - out there - secretly yearning for someone. Very human of us I'd say. You are not alone my fellow lovers and I am here for you. This will also help my mind clear a bit and it is my blog - if you're reading this it's because you love me right? And like to hear what I say??

MY SECRET LOVER - He is tall - BEAUTIFUL and one fo the smartest men I know. I love being with him and enjoy every second like it's our last. I do this because I often get the feeling that one day I'll get the call that THIS has to end. Probably because he found someone more suiting. I found him a few years ago (seriously it was like every movie you see when that HOT GUY walks into some place and music plays in your head - LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!). I pursued him, thinking NAW - there is no way he's gonna talk to me. I'd say this was initially around the time when I still believed that no man wants to date or deal with someone with kids. Now, I know that's just bullshit and rather if a man turns me away because of MY kids then he is crazy (I mean - maybe I don't want YOU around my kids, Yo). Anyway, back to the Secret Lover...it was like MAGIC when we finally connected. I had never found someone so amazing. Someone that wasn't annoying, knew a thing or two about life, wasn't a psycho and had a good head on his shoulders. I still feel the same way about him now - in fact - I think more of him each time I see him. He reminds me of a good ole country boy - who would be able to save the world if it ended - fighting off lions with his bare hands - I'd almost even say he is "The Most Interesting Man in the World!!"

So you might ask - why are you guys Secret Lovers?? Well, there are many factors around us that prevent this shouting out to the world - some of them because of our community surroundings and some I'd say just because he enjoys his singleness. What kills me? Why won't he give me a real chance? (I know the obvious, thank you.) If he REALLY feels the way he says he does about me? If you love someone you would think that it wouldn't matter what other people thought and you wouldn't risk losing that person - you'd grab her by the hand and lock her up safe, right? I don't know. So the only thing left to think is that HE really is - just not that into me...that hurts. But, for what we do have I enjoy - it does keep my life simple and drama free but then again there are the times when you are alone with your friends who do have public boyfriends and they always ask - WHERE your guy is? And why won't he hang out? It also makes it hard to date because you are constantly comparing them to the other person. Which we all know is a NO NO!!! (End note: I LOVE this man. I would have his babies. And yes - I am crazy and know that I am being the typical dreamy girl who has high hopes! What would love and life be if we didn't???!!!!) On to the next - there are two other guys that I have secret love crushes on. Both have girlfriends - one recently broke up with his girlfriend (which we all know how that can go - don't waste your heart on that bullshit)and the other...well - I'd say he is stuck in the life of just making it work with her. I know how that goes and guys I'm telling you - !!!!! - I did that for 12 years and it leads no where - just broken angry hearts that are never really happy. And now what I live by is WHY live with someone who YOU are unhappy with? For the sake of opinions? Are you scared that you may end up alone? And what's wrong with that if that is the case. Sometimes people stay together for kids - which again makes no sense. You end up having kids who don't understand what real relationships are like because all they ever saw was a mommy and daddy who just DEALT with each other for the SAKE of YOU. And that's no life to live. Kids wanna see their parents happy - that's what's MOST important. Kids also pick up on energy and unloving parents shows. BELIEVE ME. THEY SEE THAT SHIT...(End note: Ladies - ya'll be trippin' - so don't be ASSUMING I am a home wrecker because I'm not and also - don't think just cause YOU have a man or are dating a guy that someone else is crushing on that we are wrong. It is normal for other women/men to want YOUR man - that's life. Deal with it ladies and grow up already. You do it too.) So these guys ^^ - the ones I am secretly in love with...I'm pretty sure I'll never have anything with these guys but the world works in mysterious ways so you never know. The last Secret Lover I have (or is it?) is someone who lives in another state. THIS guy is LIKE MY DREAM ON PAPER - or internet I should say because we have only had an internet relationship. It's been years and it was actually a cool little story that made it what it is now. WE met on Blackpeoplemeet.com (shut up...it was a time where I was bored and lonely and the internet sites where just beginning). He was cool - we chatted a few times but we both agreed that the site was pointless and led nowhere. (Side note: I met a football player from this site, what a retard he was, which is why I canceled my membership) Then he found me on Myspace - which also became a waste of time and then WHAM he found me on Facebook - that was years ago now. When we finally connected on Facebook - the real friendship began. Someday I will see him - he has asked many times just WHEN I plan on letting him come out to Denver and hang...soon my friend. Soon. I am at a loss of words now. I'll have to come back to this topic again because we all know THIS is a topic we could spend years discussing. So for now - I have told you about my Secret Lover(s) - and now I feel a little better. I have to think more about this...talk to some other girls and guys and get back to you all...let you know what they're thinking. Leave a comment if you have a similar situation. Send an email if you wanna talk about yours or mine - doesn't matter to me!!! (enter.resting.blog@gmail.com) enter.resting.

A Moment of Mind Talk in the Kitchen...

Just a quick thought here as I'm pouring some ice tea and warming up some left over Chinese food. I'm evaluating everything I quickly threw together in a basket earlier at the store and considered it as "shopping"...so then, you ever wonder WHAT THE HELL DID I BUY FROM THE STORE??? Exactly. My thoughts right now - next to the refrigerator. I mean, I bought the essential items that are able to provide my body with nutrition all while enjoying every item so not to waste... Anyway, this lead to the real discussion here - You ever wonder what happen to some of the food choice items you used to keep on the "Staples" list?? (Staples list for those who don't know is what them old folks call "The Essentials") It's like our diets change every few months. Then one night you look in the fridge for something to chew and THEN WHAM!!! It hits you like a ton of elephants!! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!! You forgot that for months you were consistently buying tomatoes, basil, bread, mozzarella, and olive oil. In fact, you survived on this particular concoction and must have simply gotten tired of it? Which then is the reason we might forget some of the old foods we used to stock. So now that I've processed this thought - I guess I answered my own question about Where - THAT - went. We simply got sick of eating the same thing - mentioned this to ourselves at the store and then decided upon something new and brave to try that we are currently eating - that is, until we get sick of THAT. Weirdo. enter.resting.

HAPPETARY Achievement and Strangers!!!!

I went to a local eatery today. First time there with my mother. Our waitress was this hot, thick, young lookin' thang and she was on point with the good energy! By the middle of our breakfast I decided to do something some of us only talk about most times. And that is...what the heck does that girl/guy do?? Gameversation(a conversation game of guessing what other humans do in which you encounter.) She was happy, loving life and feeding me her energy for breakfast!!! Most people I go out in public with at some point say something like, "I wonder what that girl/guy does?" "How in the heck does this chick manage to survive while working at this local coffee shop??" There's gotta be something more to her happiness than just this coffee shop, right? Right! If any of that made sense above - what I'm trying to say is - the stories that we dream up in our heads about people we may not know personally or perhaps who you think you might know already - is sometimes amusing. Our minds have the capabilities to create such extravagant fantasies and to think of what one human to the next does on a daily basis, is one of my most treasured "Coffee Talk" things to do... It starts with something like...Hmmmm...look at that couple over there at the corner table. Jenny...what do you think their story is? Why are they free to go to breakfast at 10:30am on a Monday? What job could they possibly have that allows such? Then, you may glance at the fashion style choice in whatever establishment you're inside...Hmmmmm...so cute. How does that girl over there at the counter afford that purse?? What the heck is she doing right?? You may see this as a hatin' conversation but really it's just my curiosity to what others do within their daily lives and how they manage to survive and thrive all at the same time. And also, why are we/us afraid to talk to strangers? Or start a conversation with someone new? It might turn into a wonderful new friendship or connection!! You never know! Blah Blah Blah!! So I asked all the things I was pondering over. I talked to a stranger ya'll! Had the best chat with who we shall call - DIVA! She was awesome. She works at this hipster-funky cafe 4 days a week and does artsy shit with her friends the rest of the time! I loved it! She was 41 but didn't look a day over 30! She sat and we all chatted about life, growing up, living a simple life where happiness really does depend on quality of life and NOT monetary status but rather HAPPETARY ACHIEVEMENT!!! HOORAH!!! (Which I will add that obviously quality of life has a bit to do with monetary status but I refer to this much deeper, you dig me?) It was one of those - Life's gonna be okay moments. Ya know? We connected. She appreciated the conversation and we both walked away high! So I conclude...that you too start talking to more strangers! Get to know the people you exchange energy with on a daily basis or even just for that one moment! You may never see them again. But...if you do! Bonus! I think I'm just a big dork and a sucker for human connection. enter.resting.

...am I TICKING you off???

Just a quick blog about Facebook and the ticker, ya know? Have you ever said to someone - WHY is THAT one person ALWAYS online?? They post so much - it's like...all day, I mean, she looks like one of those one girls - from the rap videos...DESPERATE!!! LMAO!!!

Well you get the picture. I always think in my head...

1. Why the hell does it matter if THAT person is on Facebook all the time?
2. Why do YOU care?
3. Isn't that the point to Facebook? (To be socially ON??)

Confused. Well - I don't care how long you stay on or how many posts you choose to post! I mean - in all seriousness - if you have befriended someone then technically you should be happy to see their posts...Yes?

Anyway - just a moment to reflect on random examples that may identify that you are too involved in others lives. That or that perhaps you should de-friend them if it rattles you. And lastly, maybe you're jealous??

I LIKE LOTS OF TICKS AND I CAN NOT LIE!!!! You other FACERS can't deny!!!!!

enter.resting.

my new motto...

iTeam. (now there is an "i" in team.)


enter.resting.

Kalina Ross

lOOse threads.....SHABBA!!!!

there's a string that tickles me softly occasionally - sometimes i forget it's there but then, i'll be walking around, sitting with a friend having a conversation, or ordering coffee, and just like a soft wind...that strings has tickled me again, reminding me that indeed-it is still there. it would only take a quick second to grab some scissors and SNIP! it'd be gone.

kinda of like the one person who have in your life that you know could be cut in an instant and you would eventually survive without them. it's not to say that we are ranting about someone in the current, just that there is usually a person that you choose to let tag along - forgetting the mess they create in your life until they tickle you again - and create an annoyance in which you say....i need to CUT that person out of my life, it would be so much easier!

yeah well, its not that easy right? you see, just like a loose thread - so is this person that you keep forgetting about...it's not really affecting your wearing of the, lets say - pair of jeans, and its not something i generally think twice about after i remember it being there while slipping on my pair of jeans, rather, you'll be standing in line, ordering coffee and then "Tickle...tickle" there it is, an annoyance that you can't particularly deal with at the current moment but am reminded that you need to cut that string...

funny that when you finally cut that string, especially the one inside your sock, or the one that likes to cause annoyance by the armpit area, or the one that is in the middle of your inside jean crotch area - you feel a sudden gratitude toward yourself. The pants or whatever it may be feel different. a small annoyance finally gone - my friend and i have determined that letting these lOOse threads go, or cutting them off - is only beneficial to you, and will help your life run more smoothly, so then why do we wait so long to cut them? why the laziness? hmmm....i'm not sure but it was something to think about...briefly, that is until the next lOOse thread comes along, in fact, i saw one today, while ordering coffee, on my sleeve. damn it.

enter.resting.

the repetitive story of NEED vs. WANT

on it's way...what is the difference between Needing and Wanting? and how many of us truly understand the idea of a Need vs. a Want? stay tuned....

Have a holly Jolly Christmas eh!

I suppose I ought to get this JOLLY blog out before the holiday season is over and JOLLY doesn’t have quite the impact it does during the holiday season…

that said…

What is a JOLLY? Do you know one? Are you living with one? Is your best friend a JOLLY and you just don’t want to admit it?

Well then - I’ll say it for all of us!

Judgmental Opinionated Loud (mouth) Lurking (around) You!

I recently had to boot a JOLLY out of my life - SHE might say that SHE kicked me to the curb but that’s only because she is a Judgmental Opinionated Loud (mouth) and wouldn’t be able to see that her actions caused her own demise.

Now, if you have a JOLLY in your life - you might be hesitant to see them because no one wants to lose a friend, lover, or anyone that may mean something to you. If you take a step back and analyze all the events that have taken place during your relationship with said person, you might finally see the harm they are adding to your life development, growth, and the fact that you are who you hang out with. Never thought this was so true until I analyzed this said friendship - constantly dealing with judgments that have no backbone - gaining nothing more than opinions not lived by her own self, and finally -dealing with Loud (mouth) ignorance.

Don’t take this blog in the wrong text now - I’m not judging, placing opinions or screaming this out to you all - rather venting about the people who are JOLLY - and have made my life uncomfortable - I’m screaming out that I -Kalina Ross am done with dealing with anyone who can’t see the good in me - or want me to look at my life, when they should be looking at their own. The point to any relationship is to have someone who listens without judgment or opinions. Someone who is there for you when you mess up or will help you to make better decisions through ideas and advice - that you may not always take but listen too only for the extra thought.

I have always discussed with my friends the part that I play when it comes to their life -

It is not within my power or would it be a good friend if I sat here and constantly nagged you about every decision you made in your life. I am simply here to be your extra ear when you need to complain about a decision you made in your life, the boyfriend you kept around that I might have known from the beginning was a dumper, the money you spent while we sipped beers together, knowing that the money you were spending was the electric bill that is now calling you to threaten a disconnect BUT it will always come down to the part I play in your life. Yes, a friend should be honest but a good friend knows when a lesson is to be learned, or might know that this pattern of complaining about a guy is pretty much the same things they have been spilling out year after year - and you know to shut up and that - this(man) too, shall pass.

I am here to listen and not Judge you. Listen and not form Opinions about what you should be doing. Act together while out on a fun Friday night - and yes, being the Loud (mouth) girls in the bar! Lurking around our same problems over conversations night after night. And lastly, be there for You! That is my part in your life - not to become a JOLLY - to me that only indicates that I have nothing better to do, or am trying to make excuses for my own life - nobody needs that.

Finally...

Let’s have a TOAST to the JOLLY’s! Let’s have a toast to this Christmas! And letting them GO! Baby, I got a plan…RUN AWAY - as fast as you can from a JOLLY - before they place stress in your life that you don’t need!

Have a safe holiday - I'll be glad when they are over! Bah-Hum-Bug these....

enter.resting.

Thanks for reading. Again. Or not. Love you all either way.

the INTRUDER!

WHO left all these dishes in the sink while I was at work?

WHO is pulling all the damn covers!

WHO left all this junk by the computer - used tissues, empty cups, papers not addressed to me!

WHO left the nozzle in the shower at a level that is obviously meant for someone who may stand at 6’4?

WHO DIDN’T PUT THE DAMN TOILET SEAT DOWN?????

Geesh.

A houseguest moved in to my home for a month and it immediately brought back all the reasons why I live alone. I started thinking about every previous roommate, boyfriend, relative, etc. that has stayed with me at some point in my life and found myself locked in the bathroom, with headphones, cigarettes and my trusty cell phone, in case I needed to call for help while I was hiding in my own house!

I’m going to continue my story with the MAN intruder rant…

It really doesn’t matter if you are male or female, although guys are generally the ones who like to say they cant stand living with someone - I beg to differ. When a woman decides to take in a houseguest of the male persuasion, we are immediately placed into an ideal role of what the heck we should be doing and/or deal with while this “HOUSEGUEST” is Intruding on our personal space.

You leave for work…no, no, let’s start at the VERY beginning…You wake up. Suddenly someone is expecting you to feed them, make them coffee, and still take care of the kids, get ready for work and then make sense of how you allowed yourself to get trumped. Then, you leave for work, continue with all the crap you gotta deal with at work - then head over to 3 hours of class, which entails you listening to some boring lecture about something you wont remember after the quiz.

After that you’re driving home, to what you think is the house you left earlier that morning and then WHAM! You walk in the door and EVERYTHING IS NOT HOW YOU LEFT IT!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That was me - screaming, thinking about the past. Dishes are every where, tissues all over, toilet seat up - and don’t forget you’re walking into the house with a hand full of groceries when suddenly your oldest child comes down screaming “MOM!!! THE TOILET IT OVERFLOWING!!! HURRY!!!” - you slam the bags down, run upstairs, rush to save the floor from drowning in toilet water and THEN your youngest child screams from downstairs “MOM!!! HURRY!!!! Water is coming from the ceiling!!!! IN THE KITCHEN (which is directly below the bathroom toilet that just overflowed)!!! So you rush to clean up both INFURIATING messes. Problem solved? NO! Then you have to wash the dishes that were left for you so lovingly in order to cook dinner successfully. Dishes done. Now cook dinner WOMAN! The kids are barking and the old man is snoring on the damn couch!!! Think you’re done yet? NO!

Now, homework, baths and off to bed for the kiddies! So…would you like to know where the said houseguest is during all of this? Sitting. Watching MY TV! Unaware that chaos is taking place in the house! (Insert scream here)

This may be something I live through daily but when you have a houseguest you think HEY! Maybe I’ll finally get some help around here? NOOOOOOO! You wont. All you get is a mess you didn’t make, an extra dinner plate to wash, plenty of tissues to throw away, cold shower water sprayed on your face because SOMEONE left it in full shower mode and then, finally, you get to sit in toilet water because again SOMEONE forgot to put the seat down. Naturally.

Hats of to Tim Burton and his wife for having separate places!

Houseguests are not for me.

enter.resting.

Is it forever...

If a friend or yourself has/is living through a personal transformation, which may or may not change life forever, there is still the drowning question of whether or not this change will define you or help you to grow right?

We don’t need a specific instance to help explain the way you feel when the moment arises…you’re alone and wondering how you are going to tell someone something, or rather, not tell someone something. Or maybe you’re just struggling with yourself and how you’re going to tell your mind that your heart’s decision messed up this time - or vice versa.


The results came back: It’s announced that YOU are the new guest on the list with the - Possibly Defining Intruder to your body.

The results came back: You’re pregnant…now what? Which pill will you swallow?

The results came back: It appears that this job will not work for you…how will you pay your bills? Who will hire you next? What will you learn from this loss and what will you seek from your new employer?

The results came back: It appears that you just can’t seem to stay out of trouble…

Nonetheless, it’s scary.

What would you give for the answer to your problem? Would you pay a psychiatrist?

So where’s this going? Confused yet? The point of this rant is to say there is no answer that can change what you’re feeling during the time of transition.

Figuring out the answer is the first part of the problem but it will never take away the dark moments we encounter alone - when you’re all alone…and no one can help you. Even if someone offered to help it certainly wouldn’t do much. (Most times.)

I want to know…how do YOU feel when you’re alone in this moment? How do YOU deal with it? How do YOU deal with it without losing your mind? What do you do the day after? I’m tired of hearing things like “Rise to the occasion!” And don’t feel bad if that’s something you say often…who cares anymore if we will rise to the occasion…we all understand how to, and some of us can even “Rise to the occasion” quite often, but that still doesn’t expose the darker side to any of it…the real human emotion behind living with our decisions/actions/realities…no one else can feel them.

So riddle me this…Is it forever? Are these feelings forever suppressed? Will the dark emotions that drag me down when I’m alone at night, confronting my decisions last forever? Even after I have made the transition and am now living with it in the present? Will it continue to haunt me? And if not, again I ask - genuinely, how do you deal with it without losing your mind?

Thanks for reading. If it made sense ;)

Ain’t Noooooo Sunshine In Thiiissss Blooogggg….

enter.resting.