What a man, what a man, what a man - WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN!!!

Secret Lovers.

...oh dear Secret Lover - if I could tell you all the lovely words I wished for us I would finally sleep soundly at night. If only you wouldn't dismiss my feelings perhaps we could have a real chance, right? Who knows really. That's the beauty and downfall of having a Secret Lover. You never will know if you were meant to be together because in the eyes of your(s) secret together - the idea of that seems unattainable. Loving each other the way you do in secret... The realness of this situation is that even though I may have one particular lover that I feel this way about - it does not however dismiss the idea of finding someone else. It also does not stop me from dating other men and/or having perhaps other Secret Lovers. I am defining Secret Lovers in many ways- 1. Someone you do not share with the rest of the world, maybe just your close circle of friends and family who all know mums the word when they see said person. 2. Someone you may be in love with secretly - who may have no idea. 3. Someone who you want BUT may be with someone else or vice versa - which then I might ask - why are you staying together with someone you are not fully loving. (That's a discussion for another day.) The best part about THIS is that no matter who you are - you will not know who I am referring to unless you are in fact the Secret Lover and can pull out from the information that it is in fact YOU or if you are within my close circle of friends and know that I have obsessively talked about said person. Secrets - fun aren't they? This is for all of us - out there - secretly yearning for someone. Very human of us I'd say. You are not alone my fellow lovers and I am here for you. This will also help my mind clear a bit and it is my blog - if you're reading this it's because you love me right? And like to hear what I say??

MY SECRET LOVER - He is tall - BEAUTIFUL and one fo the smartest men I know. I love being with him and enjoy every second like it's our last. I do this because I often get the feeling that one day I'll get the call that THIS has to end. Probably because he found someone more suiting. I found him a few years ago (seriously it was like every movie you see when that HOT GUY walks into some place and music plays in your head - LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!). I pursued him, thinking NAW - there is no way he's gonna talk to me. I'd say this was initially around the time when I still believed that no man wants to date or deal with someone with kids. Now, I know that's just bullshit and rather if a man turns me away because of MY kids then he is crazy (I mean - maybe I don't want YOU around my kids, Yo). Anyway, back to the Secret Lover...it was like MAGIC when we finally connected. I had never found someone so amazing. Someone that wasn't annoying, knew a thing or two about life, wasn't a psycho and had a good head on his shoulders. I still feel the same way about him now - in fact - I think more of him each time I see him. He reminds me of a good ole country boy - who would be able to save the world if it ended - fighting off lions with his bare hands - I'd almost even say he is "The Most Interesting Man in the World!!"

So you might ask - why are you guys Secret Lovers?? Well, there are many factors around us that prevent this shouting out to the world - some of them because of our community surroundings and some I'd say just because he enjoys his singleness. What kills me? Why won't he give me a real chance? (I know the obvious, thank you.) If he REALLY feels the way he says he does about me? If you love someone you would think that it wouldn't matter what other people thought and you wouldn't risk losing that person - you'd grab her by the hand and lock her up safe, right? I don't know. So the only thing left to think is that HE really is - just not that into me...that hurts. But, for what we do have I enjoy - it does keep my life simple and drama free but then again there are the times when you are alone with your friends who do have public boyfriends and they always ask - WHERE your guy is? And why won't he hang out? It also makes it hard to date because you are constantly comparing them to the other person. Which we all know is a NO NO!!! (End note: I LOVE this man. I would have his babies. And yes - I am crazy and know that I am being the typical dreamy girl who has high hopes! What would love and life be if we didn't???!!!!) On to the next - there are two other guys that I have secret love crushes on. Both have girlfriends - one recently broke up with his girlfriend (which we all know how that can go - don't waste your heart on that bullshit)and the other...well - I'd say he is stuck in the life of just making it work with her. I know how that goes and guys I'm telling you - !!!!! - I did that for 12 years and it leads no where - just broken angry hearts that are never really happy. And now what I live by is WHY live with someone who YOU are unhappy with? For the sake of opinions? Are you scared that you may end up alone? And what's wrong with that if that is the case. Sometimes people stay together for kids - which again makes no sense. You end up having kids who don't understand what real relationships are like because all they ever saw was a mommy and daddy who just DEALT with each other for the SAKE of YOU. And that's no life to live. Kids wanna see their parents happy - that's what's MOST important. Kids also pick up on energy and unloving parents shows. BELIEVE ME. THEY SEE THAT SHIT...(End note: Ladies - ya'll be trippin' - so don't be ASSUMING I am a home wrecker because I'm not and also - don't think just cause YOU have a man or are dating a guy that someone else is crushing on that we are wrong. It is normal for other women/men to want YOUR man - that's life. Deal with it ladies and grow up already. You do it too.) So these guys ^^ - the ones I am secretly in love with...I'm pretty sure I'll never have anything with these guys but the world works in mysterious ways so you never know. The last Secret Lover I have (or is it?) is someone who lives in another state. THIS guy is LIKE MY DREAM ON PAPER - or internet I should say because we have only had an internet relationship. It's been years and it was actually a cool little story that made it what it is now. WE met on Blackpeoplemeet.com (shut up...it was a time where I was bored and lonely and the internet sites where just beginning). He was cool - we chatted a few times but we both agreed that the site was pointless and led nowhere. (Side note: I met a football player from this site, what a retard he was, which is why I canceled my membership) Then he found me on Myspace - which also became a waste of time and then WHAM he found me on Facebook - that was years ago now. When we finally connected on Facebook - the real friendship began. Someday I will see him - he has asked many times just WHEN I plan on letting him come out to Denver and hang...soon my friend. Soon. I am at a loss of words now. I'll have to come back to this topic again because we all know THIS is a topic we could spend years discussing. So for now - I have told you about my Secret Lover(s) - and now I feel a little better. I have to think more about this...talk to some other girls and guys and get back to you all...let you know what they're thinking. Leave a comment if you have a similar situation. Send an email if you wanna talk about yours or mine - doesn't matter to me!!! (enter.resting.blog@gmail.com) enter.resting.