gay and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage....

i attended a wedding tonight and of course i have to add that it was a gay wedding. i hate to separate like that but you do sometimes. which is why i am writing now. i have had many conversations lately when it comes to the issue of being "gay" and why anyone cares what others choose to do with their lives... its not your life and its not something you're deciding - so then why do we as a society care what others choose? why do we even have an option as a political candidate to publicly express what side we agree with? same goes for religion. sex preference and religion should not be relavent in regards to determining a war or say...education, general law making or health care plans for an entire population...am i crazy?

anyways, it was beautiful. it was one of the most genuine weddings i have experienced in a LONG time. what i've noticed is gay people tend to get married more for the love of one another, and "straight" people get married for more wrong reasons than right. thats whats so funny (and people say "they" should not be able to get married). to me, straight as i am, i think most people get married for the "status" they assume within society once that silly little piece of metal is placed onto the "ring" finger. i think we should change the ring finger into the middle finger because thats what most peoples marriages end up like...

im ranting but in my opinion, it seems to be true for most of the "marriages" i have witnessed in front of my eyes. no one seems happy. everyone is settling. kids are being born, then ignored because the parents are too wrapped up in their own drama. hearts are torn and nothing is as genuine as it seems it should be. but for one moment, when i glanced around the crowd tonight, i saw people that were there with nothing negative to say, no whisper talking about what the groom had done in the past, no talk about how "when i get married, he better come correct," or whatever ridiculous thing i have heard some married people say about what they will be "expecting" from their mate once the finger is placed with a ring! all i saw was passion, love and true commitment. thank you to my friends who tied the knot, honestly and genuinely. i salute your love and devotion and wish you nothing but the best!

it also rained... all i could think was...dang! i wish a rainbow would appear! that would have been extra awesome!

disclaimer: dont take everything i say so seriously. im emotional too. i sometimes stand to be corrected (so feel free to say whatever you want in my comments, thanks for reading either way). and im not obviously saying that all marriages are wrong, calm down.

In An Instant...

blink... blink... blink...till there is no more...

In an instant you can loose someone you love. Someone you may never have thought about that often or someone we may never know exists. But their still gone. In an instant. I heard of a boy missing who is only 14 years old. The reason i would like to talk about this besides the obvious...someone's son is missing.... is because it reminded me of the big "things" we ignore in life and the small "things" we think are more important. I say this because I saw a status update around 10pm last night, read it, clicked open the link, looked at the picture of the missing boy...and then walked up to my bedroom, not reposting the missing boy post as the individual had requested, instead i went to bed, thinking about how the parents must feel. A few days ago their child walked out of their home and hasn't returned. We all hear stories about this on the news but we blink, blink, blink and then turn the channel to a less important show but one that entertains us. I came home from work today and felt the need to immediately check Facebook to see if anyone had found the boy. Nothing. I reposted the post. I could not sit any longer thinking about what i would want some of you to do for me if my kid was lost...I would ask any and everybody for help! I would post signs on my block, on your block and all across the whole Denver/EVERYWHERE area!!!! I WOULD POST ON FACEBOOK AND EXPECT---again, EXPECT all my Facebook friends to repost and repost and repost and repost and repost and repost and repost and repost and repost and R E P O S T... UNTIL Someone heard something, from somewhere!!! I did not see as many individuals as I would EXPECT to SEE REPOST/SHARE the MISSING BOY POST to help this family. I MEAN...come on? I saw more likes and status updates about TV shows and favorite songs than I did about SOME"THING" AS IMPORTANT AS ONE OF "OUR" meaning YOU/US/ALL having a child lost out on the streets. I MEAN...EVERY moment counts, every second, every breath, every click that it might take to get any kind of information (about some"thing" that could ultimately result in death) PASSED AROUND, SHARED, "SCREAMING OUT" to the world - HELP COMMUNITY - HELP HUMANS OF THIS EARTH - help me, help me, help me! Am I making any sense? Ranting? Probably? But really. It is scary to think that if my child was lost out in this city... We, You, Them and They MIGHT not TAKE the TIME to REPOST/SHARE a MISSING GIRL POST!!! Wake up people. Please. It could be your kid, mother, brother, son, daughter or BEST FRIEND.

Later today I was chatting a friend on Facebook. He told me his best friend had lost his brother last week. It was a hit and run motorcycle accident. Tragic and obviously sad. He was a father to two beautiful children, someone I never knew and will never know but here I am telling the world about him. Just a reminder that life can be taken away in an instant. Every moment, every second, every breath you take, could be a breath that could save a life. Maybe even a 14 year old boy's life. Maybe you could have seen the driver in that instant that it counted. I'm simply reminding myself and encouraging you all out there to take the moment that may count and get involved outside of yourself. The tables may be turned someday...and in an instant... life can be taken away. Blink... blink... blink... till there is no more.

enter. resting.

disclaimer: i realize the sensitivity of the above subject and apologize in advance if i have offended anyone but i do believe in how i feel. my heart goes out to both families.

goodbye summer...ill see you next year!

tonight is the last night that i am allowed to do whatever i want. my last day not to plan, educate and raise the up and coming adults of the future! --2010/2011 school year is in effect ya'll and already it looks like we may be beginning to see change in our schools. there is now, officially, salad bar's in elementary school lunch rooms. this is a huge accomplishment and i would just like to let all the parents of the children i will be supervising during lunch know that your kids - will be encouraged and rewarded for choosing healthier foods. I am so excited about this, really.

secondly, I would like to give a shot out to all the kids who made my summer special. i had so much fun hosting "Camp Kalina" and keeping myself busy with activities and tons of imagination(s)! seriously, you couldn't ask for a better group of little kids! It rocked! This was also my first summer off with my kids!! i can't wait for future summers off with them, as i know it truly is a luxury!

for those who may not know me well, i'm attending college for a teacher licensure and work as a paraprofessional. i love it and am so glad i made the decision to work with children and their futures! one thing i can't wait for is to see the students from last year and how much they have grown over summer! i can't wait. i feel like a child the night before the first day of school. exploding with anticipation and anxious eyes as you imagine the following morning...wake up. get dressed (in your previously laid out clothes from the night before), extra fresh, pressed and ready to go! got your backpack all packed and zipped up, new sneaks, maybe a home lunch, maybe hot lunch (depends how mommy was feelin'!) and then off! to meet new friends and new crushes!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! Love it!

i had a nice Summer and it was cool to see another side to mom-hood..."the stay at home mom, mom." but i will say that i am very happy to be going back to work, i enjoy the challenge...and it allows my kids time to grow and become even more dependent. we went camping a few times, bbq's and such, gardening and ran a mini camp inside my house. i'm told that it was one of the best CAMPS EVER!!!!!

LASTLY, my summer would not have been so great if it weren't for my dear friend Mary! Thank you Mary for latte's and conversation at the end of my day after all the kids and snacks and choas and blah, blah, blah! i love you dearly and would not have made it through the summer without you, FUUURRR REAL!

so...goodbye summer, i'll see ya when i see ya!

the loneliness that consumes us...

i was at my grandmas yesterday, who returned home from a months stay in and out of the ER and Rehab. she has lived on her own for the last few years since my grandpa died, and has always been at peace about it...but not today. my mothers sister has been staying with her for the last few days but must now return home and in one week she will have the company of her other daughter. yesterday was her first night alone in over a month. you could see the sadness pouring from my grandmas eyes, an almost anxious feeling - hesitating to tell the truth of her sorrow.

jumping straight to the point, what is it about us that makes us fight back the urge to scream "I'M LONELY!!!"

how many of you sit in your house alone, thinking about your loneliness? hiding it by keeping yourself busy with house chores, work, or playing on the internet...i recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine and we had the best laugh as we admitted each of our facebook adventures or rather -obsession? addiction? we practically finished each others sentences with things like, "yes, i refresh the page like every four minutes!" and "flipping back and forth from my page to the status home page! just to see if maybe, just maybe something changed!" laughing - laughing - laughing! we continued on with more embarrassing facts about the extreme measures we take just to reach out to someone, anyone!! HELP!!! I'M LONELY!!!!

i know you are reading this thinking i am crazy right? admit it. I did. I know you are in your pj’s cracked out on facebook, don’t lie! We can’t all be so different when it comes to the basic needs of being human. we are, after all, ALL human.

let's also keep in mind that just because i, we, you, her and him are on facebook constantly, seeking any type of midnight human interaction, does not mean that we are not living our lives. everyone works, we all are working on our dreams, and we all have a ridiculous amount of obligations! But, lets take a moment to shout it out, seek out and take the extra step to reach out to someone who really may be more lonely than you and say HELLO! How many studies have proven that just being friendly in general could save someone's life?

call your grandma, mom, dad, friend, sister, acquaintance, lover, anyone and have a conversation. or even an email nowadays!

enter.resting.

opening the door...

my friends and i heard something from somewhere a long time ago about how to decide if the man/woman your with is a sure thing...

and that is, "the opening your door visual" - the point is - look into the future and see if you can imagine the man your dating opening the door to the home you live in - do you see him answering the door to your door bell? Inviting friends in while playing host to your guests...do you see that? It may sound silly but really, take a step back, think about your current lover a few years down the road...do you see him opening your door?

now, what i have added to this said theory is that opening your door and growing old with someone are two different things.

seeing someone opening your door - can be imagined many times...i mean sure, i saw some of my past relationships opening my door, in fact they did, but what I never saw with them is growing old...taking care of each other and playing card games when you're 80 years old just to keep asking each other whose turn it is. Now that's the question I always ask....do you see you and him, rocking chairs with velcro sneaks, diapers, ride or dying together?

thats what i look for, if you cant see the person your with in the above mentioned scenerio maybe you should reflect on your next move...

just my opinion. i think one of the troubles we have with relationships is learning when to follow your heart which is really your intuition and flee from a bad relationship before it is too late and you find yourself 5-10 years down the road miserable, lost, and wondering where the person inside of you went. so wake up! wake up now. we really do waste too much of our precious time, dont ya think?

enter.resting.