The News...inspired by Mayer Hawthorne.

So how many times do you need to see someone before you finally see your exit? How many times do you need to test the feeling you are having inside? When have you finally had a enough?

Well...I think me and many of my friends answer is...you just can't put a time limit on said decisions. It happens naturally. I can say today that it has "happened". I had to Blow someone One Last Kiss(thank you Pink for always making the right song always when it is needed). There's a bit of heartache but only because it's someone you once knew a certain way and now - it's not enough. After this experience I can finally say goodbye to the old me. It was sort of a release of all one's past loves that had no potential of fitting within your life's requirements. That is...my friends what we ultimately look for when we are out there scouting for our life lovers. After you have grown up and have experienced enough shit in your life to finally see the real you. AND who exactly is going to allow you to be yourself and live the way you intend while remaining happy.

Once we have screamed through our chest for the final time - THIS IS WHO I AM AND I LOVE IT!!!! We begin to create the new Us - maybe this starts to occur most around 30? I don't wanna put a specific on that because I am not aware of actual research and some are late...late...bloomers. Anyways, dating becomes new - or the relationship in which you are already living in starts to bloom into this new - grown you's. It becomes easier to make instant decisions about someone or something - that's if you stay true to yourself(it's hard and we are challenged daily). I remember a year ago - I was on a date with someone and I suddenly felt "It" - THIS was not gonna work. I spoke instantly and said you know what? I think I'm gonna go home. I wish you the best. ...and WOW!!! This feeling rushing over me was intense! I was honest, real, and true to myself and it FELT AMAZING!!! Now I didn't say that there wasn't gonna be some lonely nights because that would be a lie. BUT, the feeling of being perfectly content with who you are starts to become your new best friend and the fear of not having someone(as in, just ANYONE, to do just deal with) slowly slips away. With this - the new you starts to shine and finding the great one(cause there is no right) is like Mario Brothers Nintendo - collecting mushrooms and jumping blocks makes tapping the ? marks all the more fun!!! Anyway...back to the real point of this - letting go of something I knew I should was a great feeling. It was the last of the ? marks in my old life and WHEW do I feel great!

Let him/her go.

You will feel better. The Great One will arise!!! And most of all...Love Yourself. THAT is the true answer to any question.

beSelfish. enter.resting.

EFF the BUDDY - it's time for a friend...

No matter what you're doing...studying, working, making a career for yourself, running, hanging with friends or whatever other productive THING you might do - the thought of a man is ALWAYS in the back of your mind. Today - I was driving and thought - Fellas, the game has changed for you. This isn't something new to talk about but it's my turn now darn it. In these times - the present day...women have obviously become more independent in their needs but just how far will it go? How much more will we take on and/or start doing for ourselves?? I see a lot of Facebook postings about sayings that men think toward women and most always I

them. Not because it seems obvious that a male would think such an opinion but rather because I think they are just as appropriate for what me and my lady friends are thinking. Such as this one from yesterday....

First off - come over? Nowadays...I don't even want you in MY house. And in reverse I don't wanna drive to your house JUST to have sex. I mean, sometimes that's alright but more and more I am becoming too lazy for even that. Or it turns into the idea of why would I wanna drive ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way over to your house just to get our boogie on and then leave WHEN I could instead - hang out with my girl friends, go to dinner, or a movie, chill and then MAYBE just maybe I'll wanna end my night at your place BUT most likely what happens now is I'd rather go home with me, myself and I. That's not a stuck up approach it's more of a ME approach. What do I want? Because doing what I want is more pleasing. Duh.

I believe women today act more like men (according to stereo types) - or are we finally understanding what you fellas have been up to all these years? Really it's just being selfish with our time and who you choose to spend it with - "saving the drama for your mama" - perhaps? But more so it simply isn't enough for me/us anymore and I don't need you like that. Driving all the way over to a man's house who isn't your boyfriend - spending about an hour or so with him and then you're gone?!

Hmmmmm, that scenario is starting to seem wasteful and boring in regards to my time. Maybe that's just me and my girls growing up?? Tell me. Because I think I'll choose the guy who actually wants to have a conversation outside of the bed and then maybe even go outside and play for a while - do something active!!! That seems more fun to me. And, it is becoming easier and easier with each day to turn men away. Some men think just because they have a good time in bed to offer that THAT should be enough for you to wanna come over and play? NAWWWWWW - I'll take the other options for $500 Alec!!!!

NOW, let me clarify some things about this whole topic I'm wasting time talking about at this coffee shop before I go to work...I am not expecting anyone to say the obvious like - well you know if you want a man to love you then you shouldn't just go over and give him booty anyway or well, duh...obviously it's more fun to hang out with a guy and go on dates and then maybe go further with him. I know all this and if I was pursuing a boyfriend right now I would take a more proper approach at dating and do such. This is about grown folks business. Simply saying that the traditional EffBuddies is outdated - I'll take an EffBuddy that wants to go to the park - kick a ball and then go home and play. But wasting my time anymore with someone who doesn't even wanna be your friend at the least? No thanks.

Now men...don't get all butt hurt - but seriously it's time for you to step your game up (I'm not excusing women either in the stepping your game up, I'll blog about that later...) OR you'll be the one at home crying - not us anymore. I mean, show a little bit of human...hang with us or get left by us. That's just how we roll now... enter.resting.

Have a holly Jolly Christmas eh!

I suppose I ought to get this JOLLY blog out before the holiday season is over and JOLLY doesn’t have quite the impact it does during the holiday season…

that said…

What is a JOLLY? Do you know one? Are you living with one? Is your best friend a JOLLY and you just don’t want to admit it?

Well then - I’ll say it for all of us!

Judgmental Opinionated Loud (mouth) Lurking (around) You!

I recently had to boot a JOLLY out of my life - SHE might say that SHE kicked me to the curb but that’s only because she is a Judgmental Opinionated Loud (mouth) and wouldn’t be able to see that her actions caused her own demise.

Now, if you have a JOLLY in your life - you might be hesitant to see them because no one wants to lose a friend, lover, or anyone that may mean something to you. If you take a step back and analyze all the events that have taken place during your relationship with said person, you might finally see the harm they are adding to your life development, growth, and the fact that you are who you hang out with. Never thought this was so true until I analyzed this said friendship - constantly dealing with judgments that have no backbone - gaining nothing more than opinions not lived by her own self, and finally -dealing with Loud (mouth) ignorance.

Don’t take this blog in the wrong text now - I’m not judging, placing opinions or screaming this out to you all - rather venting about the people who are JOLLY - and have made my life uncomfortable - I’m screaming out that I -Kalina Ross am done with dealing with anyone who can’t see the good in me - or want me to look at my life, when they should be looking at their own. The point to any relationship is to have someone who listens without judgment or opinions. Someone who is there for you when you mess up or will help you to make better decisions through ideas and advice - that you may not always take but listen too only for the extra thought.

I have always discussed with my friends the part that I play when it comes to their life -

It is not within my power or would it be a good friend if I sat here and constantly nagged you about every decision you made in your life. I am simply here to be your extra ear when you need to complain about a decision you made in your life, the boyfriend you kept around that I might have known from the beginning was a dumper, the money you spent while we sipped beers together, knowing that the money you were spending was the electric bill that is now calling you to threaten a disconnect BUT it will always come down to the part I play in your life. Yes, a friend should be honest but a good friend knows when a lesson is to be learned, or might know that this pattern of complaining about a guy is pretty much the same things they have been spilling out year after year - and you know to shut up and that - this(man) too, shall pass.

I am here to listen and not Judge you. Listen and not form Opinions about what you should be doing. Act together while out on a fun Friday night - and yes, being the Loud (mouth) girls in the bar! Lurking around our same problems over conversations night after night. And lastly, be there for You! That is my part in your life - not to become a JOLLY - to me that only indicates that I have nothing better to do, or am trying to make excuses for my own life - nobody needs that.

Finally...

Let’s have a TOAST to the JOLLY’s! Let’s have a toast to this Christmas! And letting them GO! Baby, I got a plan…RUN AWAY - as fast as you can from a JOLLY - before they place stress in your life that you don’t need!

Have a safe holiday - I'll be glad when they are over! Bah-Hum-Bug these....

enter.resting.

Thanks for reading. Again. Or not. Love you all either way.

the INTRUDER!

WHO left all these dishes in the sink while I was at work?

WHO is pulling all the damn covers!

WHO left all this junk by the computer - used tissues, empty cups, papers not addressed to me!

WHO left the nozzle in the shower at a level that is obviously meant for someone who may stand at 6’4?

WHO DIDN’T PUT THE DAMN TOILET SEAT DOWN?????

Geesh.

A houseguest moved in to my home for a month and it immediately brought back all the reasons why I live alone. I started thinking about every previous roommate, boyfriend, relative, etc. that has stayed with me at some point in my life and found myself locked in the bathroom, with headphones, cigarettes and my trusty cell phone, in case I needed to call for help while I was hiding in my own house!

I’m going to continue my story with the MAN intruder rant…

It really doesn’t matter if you are male or female, although guys are generally the ones who like to say they cant stand living with someone - I beg to differ. When a woman decides to take in a houseguest of the male persuasion, we are immediately placed into an ideal role of what the heck we should be doing and/or deal with while this “HOUSEGUEST” is Intruding on our personal space.

You leave for work…no, no, let’s start at the VERY beginning…You wake up. Suddenly someone is expecting you to feed them, make them coffee, and still take care of the kids, get ready for work and then make sense of how you allowed yourself to get trumped. Then, you leave for work, continue with all the crap you gotta deal with at work - then head over to 3 hours of class, which entails you listening to some boring lecture about something you wont remember after the quiz.

After that you’re driving home, to what you think is the house you left earlier that morning and then WHAM! You walk in the door and EVERYTHING IS NOT HOW YOU LEFT IT!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That was me - screaming, thinking about the past. Dishes are every where, tissues all over, toilet seat up - and don’t forget you’re walking into the house with a hand full of groceries when suddenly your oldest child comes down screaming “MOM!!! THE TOILET IT OVERFLOWING!!! HURRY!!!” - you slam the bags down, run upstairs, rush to save the floor from drowning in toilet water and THEN your youngest child screams from downstairs “MOM!!! HURRY!!!! Water is coming from the ceiling!!!! IN THE KITCHEN (which is directly below the bathroom toilet that just overflowed)!!! So you rush to clean up both INFURIATING messes. Problem solved? NO! Then you have to wash the dishes that were left for you so lovingly in order to cook dinner successfully. Dishes done. Now cook dinner WOMAN! The kids are barking and the old man is snoring on the damn couch!!! Think you’re done yet? NO!

Now, homework, baths and off to bed for the kiddies! So…would you like to know where the said houseguest is during all of this? Sitting. Watching MY TV! Unaware that chaos is taking place in the house! (Insert scream here)

This may be something I live through daily but when you have a houseguest you think HEY! Maybe I’ll finally get some help around here? NOOOOOOO! You wont. All you get is a mess you didn’t make, an extra dinner plate to wash, plenty of tissues to throw away, cold shower water sprayed on your face because SOMEONE left it in full shower mode and then, finally, you get to sit in toilet water because again SOMEONE forgot to put the seat down. Naturally.

Hats of to Tim Burton and his wife for having separate places!

Houseguests are not for me.

enter.resting.

gay and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage....

i attended a wedding tonight and of course i have to add that it was a gay wedding. i hate to separate like that but you do sometimes. which is why i am writing now. i have had many conversations lately when it comes to the issue of being "gay" and why anyone cares what others choose to do with their lives... its not your life and its not something you're deciding - so then why do we as a society care what others choose? why do we even have an option as a political candidate to publicly express what side we agree with? same goes for religion. sex preference and religion should not be relavent in regards to determining a war or say...education, general law making or health care plans for an entire population...am i crazy?

anyways, it was beautiful. it was one of the most genuine weddings i have experienced in a LONG time. what i've noticed is gay people tend to get married more for the love of one another, and "straight" people get married for more wrong reasons than right. thats whats so funny (and people say "they" should not be able to get married). to me, straight as i am, i think most people get married for the "status" they assume within society once that silly little piece of metal is placed onto the "ring" finger. i think we should change the ring finger into the middle finger because thats what most peoples marriages end up like...

im ranting but in my opinion, it seems to be true for most of the "marriages" i have witnessed in front of my eyes. no one seems happy. everyone is settling. kids are being born, then ignored because the parents are too wrapped up in their own drama. hearts are torn and nothing is as genuine as it seems it should be. but for one moment, when i glanced around the crowd tonight, i saw people that were there with nothing negative to say, no whisper talking about what the groom had done in the past, no talk about how "when i get married, he better come correct," or whatever ridiculous thing i have heard some married people say about what they will be "expecting" from their mate once the finger is placed with a ring! all i saw was passion, love and true commitment. thank you to my friends who tied the knot, honestly and genuinely. i salute your love and devotion and wish you nothing but the best!

it also rained... all i could think was...dang! i wish a rainbow would appear! that would have been extra awesome!

disclaimer: dont take everything i say so seriously. im emotional too. i sometimes stand to be corrected (so feel free to say whatever you want in my comments, thanks for reading either way). and im not obviously saying that all marriages are wrong, calm down.